Hi folks, I apologize there has been no articles on here lately, I got cut off from the net for a few weeks, but I’m back now! Seems like every time I go to update my site or something, something goes wrong. I have been through a lot of emotional shit lately, faced on of my biggest fears and found out it wasn’t so bad, letting go of things is one of the hardest things to do. Rejection is one of my biggest fears and I have a lot of that recently and it hasn’t been easy. It’s funny that as soon as I get close to someone and connect to someone I lose them as fast as anything, leaves me extremely broke and feeling helpless. It seems everyone runs a mile once they get close to me and I can never figure out why. On the bright side, I have regained my perspective on things and realised where I was going wrong before so I guess that’s a bonus.

I have been re reading old books and my own writing and trying to get back on track, realizing that I have gone off the rails again, damn it’s frustrating! I want back the connection to the source, the oneness I used to feel because now I have completely lost it and I feel lost again, in this crazy world with too many distractions.

I want my passions back, but lately I feel flat, can’t be assed to do anything. No matter how much I just go with the flow and try and bare work I can’t escape the frustrating feelings of being in a loop, everyday is the same, everything is the same, it drives me insane and I pray for change. Some people like everyday being the same but I get frustrated if even two days are the same! I know I must sound really annoying right now but I have to express it somehow. I think what I crave the most is to have someone to share my thoughts and feelings to, someone to sit under the stars with and see the world as I do.

While there is an awakening process going on, I’m still very wary of most of the information on the internet. I have been thinking, the matrix has been fooling us to ascend into fifth density, why would we go to fifth density when we could just go back to the source? Isn’t the point of waking up to realise you are one with all and you create your own realities? My biggest question is if we realised we were all one, would the matrix still exist? There is still questions that are beyond me but I can’t stop thinking about them. Fifth density still has rules, it still vibrates therefore it’s a trap and its still an illusion, some people reading this will be like, yeah we know…get to the point. I have known a lot and I mean a lot of people who have fallen for the traps set out by the matrix, people who have awoken to what’s beyond the 3D world only to get caught in the traps of other densities.

The matrix is fuelled off the fear and separation of people and entities; it’s not going to matter whether you are here or there, you’re still in the game. Every time I have tried to “ascend” and get enlightened, trying to tune into higher densities, I fall even harder and I start from square one, I’m sure its trying to teach me there is no ascending or descending. There is only connecting and disconnecting, direction is an illusion, hierarchy is an illusion and a tool of the matrix to trap you, because there is no beginning and there is no end, how do you get out of that? The only thing I can think of is to rid ourselves of the fear, anger, depressive feelings so that we connect with the source and remember there’s nothing to fear, we are one with everything, we are the ultimate creators of our own realities. Everything is an illusion and we must not be fooled for what we see and hear, our heart guides us and we must trust our hearts to show us the way. We are not here to learn as most “new age” people think, earth is not a school, it just “is” and this whole matrix was created not to learn but to experience infinity in its disconnected state, I’m not sure if it was created on purpose or by mistake, would god make a mistake? Look around and see that earth is a dog eat dog world, animals constantly living in fear of being slaughtered, fear of being killed and having its guts ripped out of its body, people living in fear of dying and living in fear of people killing, raping, stealing. Basically everything in this world is based on FEAR, where is the love? If God created this world then where is the love and oneness? To me its something felt beyond the matrix which I have experienced a few times and it only makes sense once in that state and suddenly everything makes sense, once here in a disconnected state nothing really makes sense. To me this is hell, a manifestation of fear, I’m not saying everything is a manifestation of fear but most things are. What people call love today is a twisted, distorted fraction of what love really is. I have experienced a love beyond anything I have ever felt in my life, and a joy I cannot grasp and yet I want to express it but struggle too in this reality.

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